For the past 2 months, I started an experiment.<\/p>\n
Throughout the day, I started saying \u201cthank you\u201d to every emotion that came up. After a few weeks, I added, \u201cI love you.\u201d <\/p>\n
So if annoyance came up, or joy, or shame – \u201dthank you, I love you.\u201d1I’ve since modified the practice to saying, “I love x” to whatever comes up. I.e. I love that I’m frustrated. I love that I’m triggered. I love that I worry so much. I love that I’m always creatively blocked. I love feeling like this, etc. I find this to be more powerful. Will probably write more on it later.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Then I found myself saying, \u201cthank you, I love you\u201d not just to every emotion, but to every single situation that I encountered.<\/p>\n When I shut off my alarm, answered emails, talked to a friend – \u201dthank you, I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n The practice felt sleight at first. I didn\u2019t expect much from it.<\/p>\n Through years of therapy and self work, I had already become a fairly happy, positive guy. And after nearly a decade of intense meditative exploration, I had come to a place of relative peace.<\/p>\n I was no longer plagued by negative self-talk. No more dwelling on the past or getting lost in the future. No longer placing any heavy expectations on myself or on life. <\/p>\n My mind finally felt free.<\/p>\n But through this practice, I realized that my body – and it\u2019s complex interior world – did not.<\/p>\n When I stepped into a cold shower, spilled a drink, or endured a tough workout, I may have been thinking to myself, \u201cthank you I love you\u201d…<\/p>\n But if you stripped away the words, the vibe underneath was gritting it\u2019s teeth and muttering, \u201cUgh, fuck this. Not again. Just push through.\u201d <\/p>\n Life was often something I was subtly resisting. Enduring. Forcing my way through.<\/p>\n As the weeks went by, \u201cthank you, I love you\u201d became my automatic response to everything.<\/p>\n Coupled with emotional releasing techniques and the guidance of a skillful coach2I could, and probably will, write multiple posts on just these two elements alone – they’re THAT life-changing. I’m not sure this experiment would’ve worked without them. In the meantime, I highly recommend reading “Letting Go” by David Hawkins. It’s a little woo-woo, but deeply insightful. I consider it “The Power of Now” for emotions. Also this Youtube webinar<\/a> I stumbled across is a great deep dive into different releasing techniques.<\/span><\/span>, this phrase slowly transformed from mere surface-level words to ACTUAL gratitude and love. <\/p>\n Subtly at first. And then stronger and stronger by the day. <\/p>\n I first realized that everything was starting to change when I stepped into my daily cold shower, said, \u201cthank you I love you\u201d\u2026and ACTUALLY meant it. As the icy water flooded my nervous system, I was surprised to find myself smiling, feeling love and warmth for the experience.<\/p>\n Same after a round of hill sprints, which always leave me absolutely wrecked. As I was doubled over, gasping for air – \u201dthank you I love you.\u201d And I meant it. I could feel actual appreciation for the sheer intensity of the present moment.<\/p>\n For someone who\u2019s had a lifelong history of having trouble feeling his heart, who\u2019s never been able to say \u201cI love you\u201d to his previous girlfriends – this was no small feat.<\/p>\n I soon found this spilling over to every area of my life, both big and small. Instead of everything being met with a subtle resistance, they were now being met with a subtle openness.<\/p>\n Instead of a pushing away, there was an embrace.<\/p>\n Instead of a forcing through, there was a leaning into. <\/p>\n The muted, discordant notes of life were starting to turn into melodic harmonies. <\/p>\n And internally, things really began to shift. It felt like these small pockets of resistance within me began to relax. Stopped fighting against life. <\/p>\n And started to open up.<\/p>\n In the past few days, my heart has welled up and been moved more times than in the last few years combined. <\/p>\n After decades of feeling emotionally blocked, I\u2019m now feeling sadness and compassion blooming throughout my body, finally freed from it\u2019s cage…able to flow, dance, and express itself how it always wanted to. <\/p>\n It\u2019s fucking beautiful. And feels right. Natural. <\/p>\n It\u2019s funny – as someone who spent years trying to transcend the ego through hardcore meditative inquiry – the idea of practicing love and gratitude seemed kinda \u201ccute\u201d to me.<\/p>\n Sure, I agreed intellectually that they were important, but it felt like a frou-frou idea that didn\u2019t hold much merit in the real world. Something for immature seekers who confused a nice positive feeling for a radical, spiritual force.<\/p>\n I\u2019m starting to realize just how wrong I was.<\/p>\n That the poets, songwriters, and playwrights absolutely knew something that I didn\u2019t. Something true. Powerful. And with the force to burn up and radically transform your entire reality (and the realities of everyone you interact with).<\/p>\n In just a few weeks, I\u2019ve seen it touch every part of my life. Dissolving buried judgments, blocks, and fears. Transforming my relationship with my parents, taking us to levels of connection I never thought possible. Even radically altering my writing process – turning it from an agonizing, drawn-out slog\u2026to an enjoyable, flowing dash of inspiration.<\/p>\n As profound as my experience has been so far, I can tell I\u2019m just barely scratching the surface.<\/p>\n But even these small first steps have been turning my entire world upside down. Filling my black & white frames with vibrant splashes of color that I didn\u2019t even know existed.<\/p>\n And I could not be any more excited. <\/p>\n To really begin this journey.<\/p>\n And find out what else love has to show me.<\/p>\n