{"id":2581,"date":"2020-02-17T19:24:52","date_gmt":"2020-02-18T03:24:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jaeminyi.com\/?p=2581"},"modified":"2020-02-18T14:15:40","modified_gmt":"2020-02-18T22:15:40","slug":"how-i-learned-to-stop-achieving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jaeminyi.com\/how-i-learned-to-stop-achieving\/","title":{"rendered":"How I Learned to Stop Achieving (and Love Being)"},"content":{"rendered":"
In 2018, I recorded 22 podcasts, wrote 8 blog posts, published 4 videos, and landed the biggest business project of my life (pulling off a year\u2019s worth of work in just a few months). It was one of my most productive years ever.<\/p>\n
In 2019, I did absolutely none of those things.<\/p>\n
And it was one of the most peaceful, fulfilling years of my life.<\/p>\n
Our culture would have you believe that the key to happiness is more, more, more. More creative output, more self-development, more introspection, more relationships, more experiences\u2026<\/p>\n
But what if the answer is actually in the opposite direction? In subtraction, rather than addition.<\/p>\n
What if the constant, relentless striving for happiness is actually causing most of our misery in the first place?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve spent most of my life being that relentless striver. If you\u2019re into the Enneagram, apparently I\u2019m an \u201cAchiever\u201d. And boy, was I ever.<\/p>\n
It felt like I spent every minute of my life on an endless quest of achieving. It started with creativity – pushing myself to create short films and make it as a filmmaker. Then I moved on to devouring self-development books, trying to fix every single thing that was \u201cwrong\u201d with me. And then eventually, the spiritual path – wanting to be fully awakened and healed by the time I turned 30. (Hint: it didn\u2019t happen)<\/p>\n
The harder I pushed myself, the more it felt like I wasn\u2019t doing enough. No matter how much I accomplished, it always felt like there was even more I had yet to achieve.<\/p>\n
This dark, heavy pressure consumed my entire adult life. Two decades of constantly feeling like I needed to do more, more, more. <\/p>\n
Until this past year, when it all finally changed.<\/p>\n
So, what happened?<\/p>\n
Long story short: last December, I was at the peak of my achieving madness. Was waking up every day at the crack of dawn to meditate, workout, journal, juggle multiple projects, and crank out more posts\/podcasts\/videos than I ever have before. No time to stop or think. Just go, go, go!<\/p>\n
Then I put everything on pause and flew to India for a non-dual retreat<\/a>.<\/p>\n I\u2019d been relentlessly exploring non-duality for the past 8 years (I wrote more about it here<\/a>) and had been on many retreats in that period. But this time was different.<\/p>\n I walked out of this retreat knowing one thing with absolute clarity: that I was whole and complete. Exactly as I am. That I lacked nothing. And nothing else I attained or \u201cgot\u201d would fulfill me. How could it? I was already whole. And that this has always been true – for every one of us – but all too easily overlooked. <\/p>\n (And to be clear, this wasn\u2019t just me staring into a mirror and telling myself, \u201cI\u2019m whole and complete!\u201d It required a crap ton of meditative inquiry, which ultimately resulted in a shift in identity. In realizing that you\u2019re the space in which all conscious experience is coming and going. It sounds complicated because it\u2019s hard to describe with words, but in actuality, it\u2019s incredibly simple. So simple, the mind can\u2019t grasp it.)<\/p>\n I came to know this truth not as some heady intellectual understanding, but as a lived, experiential one. It felt as obvious to me as knowing I\u2019m breathing.<\/p>\n From this perspective and place of peace, suddenly my manic frenzy of activity seemed\u2026silly.<\/p>\n