(And most of these habits became automatic in just 2-3 days, instead of the average 66 days<\/a> it\u2019s supposed to take.)<\/p>\n So yeah, maybe my friend had a point.<\/p>\n And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this habit of habit-making was core to my accelerated self-growth.<\/p>\n When you set a habit, you\u2019re taking a beneficial activity and flipping it on autopilot. From then on, it\u2019s automatically contributing to your life without any additional willpower or effort.<\/p>\n Steamroll a bunch of these habits together, and baby, you\u2019ve got a ton of effortless momentum on your side!<\/p>\n So yeah, habits are awesome. I don\u2019t need to convince you of that.<\/p>\n But what I do need to convince you of? <\/p>\n That there\u2019s a better way to set habits. A more effortless, gentle, and effective way.<\/strong><\/p>\n See, most of the advice you\u2019ll find on building habits is all about using the stick instead of the carrot.<\/p>\n It\u2019s all about pushing yourself as hard as you can. About adding more stress, punishment, and shame until you do the damn thing. <\/p>\n Whether it\u2019s the Seinfeld method of not breaking the chain<\/a> (and feeling like absolute shit if you do) or giving money to a friend<\/a> if you don\u2019t accomplish your task, most habit tips are motivated by fear and stress.<\/p>\n Ugh, I\u2019ll pass.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve spent most of my life employing those approaches and not only did they turn me into a soul-less, dead robot – but they weren\u2019t even that effective in the long run!<\/p>\n The goal of everything I do is to bring about LESS stress and stagnation in my life. And MORE joy and enlivenment.<\/p>\n So approaches that make me feel shitty and numb – no matter how effective they are – are ultimately counter-productive to my ultimate goal: living a joyful, harmonious, thriving life.<\/strong><\/p>\n I know what you\u2019re thinking: is it actually possible to set good habits without beating yourself up in the process??<\/p>\n Yes. Most definitely.<\/p>\n And here\u2019s the kicker: the kinder, gentler way is not only more enjoyable AND effective, but it also aligns you with what you actually NEED to be doing (and not what you THINK you do).<\/strong><\/p>\n So without further ado, here are some tips on how to create habits the effortless way:<\/p>\n When starting a new habit, don\u2019t go all out to the fucking gills! Do the opposite.<\/p>\n Start with the lowest commitment possible that still gives you some benefit.<\/strong><\/p>\n So if you\u2019re starting a daily meditation practice, don\u2019t jump in with an hour of meditation twice a day! Start with something super easy to commit to, like 3 minutes of breathing in the morning.<\/p>\n I know what you\u2019re thinking: \u201cBut that\u2019s not going to do SHIT for me! I need to go all in or I won\u2019t get any benefits!\u201d<\/p>\n Easy, tiger. Remember, you\u2019re playing the long game here.<\/strong><\/p>\n If you set this habit properly, you\u2019ll have the next few years (or decades) to reap the benefits. <\/p>\n But if you bite off more than you can chew at first, you\u2019ll burn yourself out in weeks (and then beat yourself up for months).<\/p>\n Don\u2019t worry about maximizing the benefits. That comes later. <\/p>\n Instead, just focus on creating the HABIT. Which is infinitely easier to do when the commitment is as low as possible.<\/p>\n Once you find yourself meditating for 3 minutes a day with ease, then you can slowly increase.<\/p>\n At the end of the day, if the habit doesn\u2019t feel good in some way, you\u2019ll eventually stop doing it.<\/p>\n Willpower to do shit you don\u2019t enjoy is a limited resource. Eventually, it runs out (or you will). <\/p>\n But if you cultivate habits that make you feel good, they\u2019ll PULL you along all on their own.<\/strong> You won\u2019t have to force yourself.<\/p>\n So focus on cultivating THAT above all else.<\/p>\n Pay attention to how you feel when doing the habit. What about it feels shitty? What feels good? Is there any way you can maximize the good and minimize the shit?<\/p>\n And this feel good should be IN the moment. Not something you feel good about later, after the habit is completed.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re forcing yourself to workout to a Tae-Bo video and hating every single second, but then feel proud afterwards for enduring it all – then no, that\u2019s not gonna work here.<\/p>\n You ain\u2019t gonna keep that up.<\/p>\n Figure out a way to feel good DURING the habit itself. Switch the workout up. Try enjoying the burn. Practice mindfulness or focused breathing throughout. Experiment with classes or weights or with others or outdoors.<\/p>\n Find that right level of challenge that gets your endorphins firing but not you hating life.<\/p>\n And remember, this \u201cfeel good\u201d is deeper than just surface level.<\/strong> <\/p>\n For example, eating a full tub of ice cream may seem to feel good on the surface. But if you\u2019re really paying attention, deep down inside, something will feel off (especially in your gut). <\/p>\n The kind of \u201cfeel good\u201d we\u2019re talking here is deeper than surface level pleasures. It\u2019s a deeper kind of gratification. The kind you can feel in your bones and know is good for your body & soul.<\/p>\n Align your habits around that.<\/p>\n Whether it\u2019s washing dishes or learning the guitar. Find what feels good about it. Connect with that. Maximize that. Cultivate that. Make that the priority.<\/p>\n And your habits will become impossible NOT to do.<\/p>\n Your habits should not be dead goals that just get set once and then remain static (*cough* New Years resolutions *cough*)<\/p>\n YOU are a constantly shifting, growing, evolving human being.<\/p>\n Your habits shouldn\u2019t be any different. They should be keeping up with you. Growing with you.<\/p>\n But how do you know when to change them? And in what ways?<\/p>\n Simple. Stop relying on your mind so much and pay attention to your body.<\/strong><\/p>\n You can\u2019t get lazy here and check out. You need to always be tuned in to how you\u2019re feeling as you carry out your habits.<\/p>\n Does something about it make you feel good? Continue to open you up? Leave you feeling more fulfilled?<\/p>\n Or does it leave you feeling contracted? Shitty? Less resourced?<\/p>\n ALWAYS pay attention to how good\/shitty you\u2019re feeling. This is your compass. Your GPS. Your north star.<\/strong><\/p>\n If it\u2019s feeling good, you\u2019re heading in the right direction. Focus on what feels good about your habit and hone in on that. Keep moving towards that.<\/p>\n If it\u2019s not, that\u2019s your body\/mind telling you something\u2019s not working. Experiment with it until it does.<\/p>\n Are you doing too much? Not enough? Maybe you need to try a different technique. Or an entirely different approach altogether.<\/p>\n That feeling of shittiness is your friend. Pay attention to it and keep experimenting until it starts to feel good. <\/p>\n As you increase the commitments of your habits, do so SLOWLY and CAREFULLY. <\/p>\n The absolute worst thing you can do is ramp up too quickly or push yourself too hard.<\/strong> <\/p>\n As soon as you do that, game over. Your body will shut down and you can wave that habit (and it\u2019s potential years of benefits) goodbye.<\/p>\n Remember, always check in with how you\u2019re feeling – your inner GPS. <\/p>\n As soon as something stops feeling good, tread VERY carefully. Consider backing off or easing up the pressure a bit. <\/p>\n Always err on the side of caution rather than going too far.<\/strong> Just like the physical body, pushing your emotional body too far can cause a setback that could take months or years to recover from.<\/p>\n Not worth it.<\/p>\n But what if you\u2019ve backed off, tried everything, and it STILL doesn\u2019t feel right? <\/p>\n Then be okay with giving it up<\/strong>.<\/p>\n This is NOT failure. It just means that this particular activity (at this particular time, with this particular approach) isn\u2019t a good fit for you.<\/p>\n By giving it up, you\u2019re actually opening up space to find what IS the right fit for you.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not just cheesy motivational talk: each \u201cfailure\u201d really is another opportunity. A step forwards, not backwards.<\/strong><\/p>\n When starting a new habit, you have to constantly remind yourself to do it until it becomes automatic. Unfortunately, our brains are pretty shitty at this.<\/p>\n Good thing there\u2019s an app for that.<\/p>\n If you have an iPhone, download Due<\/a> immediately. It puts the iOS Reminders app to shame.<\/p>\n You can set reminders daily (or hourly) and it will endlessly ping you until you respond to it. This makes setting habits a breeze, especially in the crucial first few weeks. <\/p>\n Let technology handle the busywork so your mind can focus on more important things (like the habit itself)!<\/p>\n (Android users: I hear that Recurrence<\/a>, Life Reminders<\/a>, and RemindMe<\/a> may be good alternatives.)<\/p>\n As you embark on this journey, remember to go EASY on yourself!<\/p>\n If you miss a day, don\u2019t beat yourself up. Don\u2019t freak out. Allowing yourself to miss a day every once in a while is OKAY.<\/p>\n Say it with me now\u2026IT\u2019S OKAY. You\u2019re not a fucking machine. You\u2019re a human being. <\/p>\n And your habits system needs to be a little flexible – if it\u2019s too rigid, it will break! <\/p>\n The goal here is not to be perfect. The goal is to be doing something good for yourself more often than not!<\/strong><\/p>\n Again, focus on the long-game here. <\/p>\n Even if you have a hit ratio of only 80%, if that allows you to consistently stick with it, imagine all the benefits you\u2019ll stack up a year, 2 years, 5 years from now!<\/p>\n But if you stress yourself out trying for the impossible goal of 100%, chances are you won\u2019t last more than a few months.<\/p>\n Think of all you\u2019d miss out on because you decided being an anal perfectionist was more important then actually setting the damn habit.<\/p>\n Most people view habits as just another way for them to \u201cset goals\u201d and \u201ccheck off accomplishments\u201d.<\/p>\n This is entirely too linear, rigid, and limiting.<\/p>\n Instead, shift your mindset so habits are less about \u201cachieving\u201d and more about \u201cexploring\u201d.<\/p>\n About moving in a direction with curiosity. And seeing what unfolds. <\/p>\n The first approach turns you into a lifeless, workhorse robot. Never straying from your original programming. Just checking things off with a little more efficiency.<\/p>\n But the second allows your habits to fuel an alive, fresh, ongoing discovery. <\/p>\n Of who you are. What you\u2019re capable of. And limitless ways to expand and taste more of what life has to offer.<\/p>\n When most people set habits, they try to make one HUGE change once a year or so (i.e. New Years resolutions, again).<\/p>\n Yeah, we all know how that pans out.<\/p>\n At first, you tackle the epic task with gusto. But then you lose steam. And it starts to feel overwhelming. But instead of adjusting or changing course, you keep charging blindly ahead because, dammit, you made a promise to yourself!<\/p>\n Then comes the crash. Shame. Self-hatred. And telling yourself it didn\u2019t work because you suck at life.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s not because YOU suck. It\u2019s because the approach of \u201cset-it-and-forget-it-once-every-blue-moon\u201d sucks.<\/p>\n Instead of shooting for a HUGE habit change ONCE a year, try creating a ton of LITTLE habits CONSTANTLY. All the frickin\u2019 time<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Since small, low commitment habits are WAY easier to implement, you don\u2019t have to prepare for months or wait until some big significant date to get started.<\/p>\n You can just\u2026start. Whenever. Today. Right now.<\/p>\n This means you can start habits AS SOON AS the desire for it shows up! Not next year. Not 3 months later. But NOW.<\/p>\n Yup, you guessed it: it\u2019s way easier to implement a habit if you strike while the iron\u2019s hot! If it\u2019s catching your interest now, then now is the best time to act on it.<\/p>\n And if you\u2019re paying attention, you\u2019ll find that the desire for new habits (AKA awesome changes in your life) don\u2019t just come once a year on January 1st.<\/p>\n They\u2019re showing up ALL the time!<\/p>\n And since you\u2019re setting small habits, not gargantuan ones, you\u2019ll actually be able to implement them as they pop up. Adding new habits to your repertoire constantly. All throughout the year.<\/p>\n Yeah, it\u2019s not as sexy sounding as your big honking New Years resolution. It won\u2019t get you as many likes or retweets.<\/p>\n But it actually works.<\/p>\n And on top of all that, there\u2019s an even greater, hidden benefit to setting tons of little habits all the time\u2026<\/p>\n Turns out, when you spend a lot of time doing something, you end up getting pretty good at it.<\/p>\n And if you\u2019re constantly setting little habits over and over again, then you\u2019ll find yourself developing the ultimate habit:<\/p>\n The habit of creating habits.<\/strong><\/p>\n By constantly flexing your habit muscles, you\u2019ll turn into a habit-creating powerhouse!<\/p>\n You\u2019ll set new habits all the time – and actually stick to them. Without thinking about it. Without any effort. And in a fraction of the time.<\/p>\n And that\u2019s the real point to all of this.<\/p>\n When most people focus on creating a habit, they think way too small. They\u2019re just focused on this ONE habit. And they\u2019re overly invested on the RESULTS of that habit.<\/p>\n Think bigger picture.<\/p>\n Stop basing your success entirely on the RESULTS you get from each habit.<\/p>\n Measure it in terms of how successful you are in IMPLEMENTING these habits. And sticking to them. And actually ENJOYING them.<\/p>\n The more you do this, the more you\u2019ll get to flex the muscle of successful habit creation. <\/p>\n The more your life will begin to effortlessly run on autopilot, constantly moving you towards things that bring joy and create new potential.<\/p>\n The less life will feel like an endless list of things you have to FORCE yourself to do. <\/p>\n And all without beating yourself up. Shaming yourself. Or making yourself feel like shit.<\/p>\n Not a bad deal, huh?<\/p>\n And if you keep this up, eventually these habits will stop feeling like \u201chabits\u201d.<\/p>\n These opportunities will become a part of your life the same way a new Netflix show will.<\/p>\n Effortless. <\/p>\n Enjoyable. <\/p>\n No force necessary.<\/p>\n And way more guilt-free to binge.<\/p>\n Low Commitment<\/h2>\n
Focus on the Feel Good<\/h2>\n
Always Be Evolving<\/h2>\n
Know When to Back Off<\/h2>\n
There\u2019s an App for That<\/h2>\n
Don\u2019t Be Rigid<\/h2>\n
Shift Your Mindset<\/h2>\n
Strike When the Iron\u2019s Hot<\/h2>\n
Develop the Ultimate Habit<\/h2>\n
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