The way people talk about Burning Man, you’d think it was heaven on earth.
A place where only magical things happen and if you’re not feeling wondrous and euphoric and oh so sparkly at every single moment, then there’s something wrong with you.
Sorry, but that ain’t true.
Burning Man can be a place of magic and ecstatic highs, for sure. But it’s just as much a home to lows, frustration, and loneliness as well.
And that’s what makes it so special.
I just spent the past 7 months living in an Orgasmic Meditation house.
Yup, you heard me right.
And it was an absolutely amazing, frustrating, complicated, and fascinating 7 months.
But let’s back up a bit.
So…what the hell is Orgasmic Meditation?
Next time you’re feeling down, don’t run from it. Don’t try to change it. Don’t fight it.
Lean into it.
Feel what it wants to express and GO there. Pick up the guitar and play a sad song. Watch a bittersweet movie. Try writing a shitty poem.
Embrace the down. Sink into the beauty of it. Move WITH it and let it express itself, IN and AS you.
But don’t wallow in the stories. Don’t get trapped in the, ‘You’re broken’s, and the, ‘What’s wrong with you’s. That’s a prison.
But the actual feelings themselves… The present sensations. The energetic aliveness. That’s a portal.
Dive into the down. Use it as a doorway. And let it open yourself up to more of you.
Tonight, at midnight, I turn thirty. The big 3-0.
It feels like this is supposed to be some sort of big deal. A mildly depressing milestone of sorts. Like this is the official signifier that I’ve hit my peak and life will start heading downhill from here.
Sorry, but I couldn’t disagree with that sentiment any more.
I’m turning 30 in a few hours and I’m happier, healthier, and more free than I’ve ever been.
You know that feeling you get when your clothes feel way too old? Wearing them just sucks the life out of you. They makes you feel like a shittier, more awkward version of yourself.
Well, that’s how I felt about this website. I grew out of it a loooong time ago, but I’ve been wearing the same old rags for years. Until this week.
Ahhhhh, much better.
The last update was in 2011. And I was a much different guy then.
Writing has always been excruciatingly painful for me.
It takes me FOR-FUCKING-EVER. My inner critics (yes, plural) doubt me every step of the way. And even after spending hours on one paragraph, I never feel like it’s up to par.
So I gave it up. For 2 entire years.
Yet the DESIRE to write – to express myself, to not just consume content but to also PRODUCE it – that never went away.
So, what’s a guy to do?