“I wish I was better at giving advice.”
My housemate was perched in her usual spot, the breakfast nook of our 38-person mansion, thinking out loud.
“Why?”, I asked.
“Because I’ve got nothing to offer when people open up to me. No great wisdom. No sage-like advice. Nothing!”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.
I was hanging out with a friend when she asked me point blank, “So, how do you do it?”
“Create habits so easily. I’ve never met anyone who’s able to set so many new habits – and stick to them – like you can. It’s like your superpower.”
Huh, it never really crossed my mind. But after she mentioned it, I realized I DO create a ton of habits.
The only real job I’ve ever worked was at the Taco Bell in my college’s food court.
Besides that, my entire decade of work experience has been running a production studio from the comfort of my home (and the comfort of my sweatpants).
Sounds like the dream, right?
But make no mistake, the freedom of working from home can quickly become its own hell.
I was parked outside the mansion, slumped in my car. Feeling down. Hopeless.
I desperately wanted to live in an intentional community. Hell, I moved to San Francisco for that very reason. But after weeks of searching, I just couldn’t find a good fit. I was starting to give up hope.
And then I came across a Craigslist ad that caught my attention. A bat-shit insane Craigslist ad.
It was for a shared room in an opulent 38-person mansion (with nearly as many chandeliers as residents).
Most people don’t know this about me, but I’ve spent the past 6 years on an obsessive journey with spiritual awakening.
AKA non-dual realization. Self-transcendence. Or the infamous, oft-misunderstood “E” word (rhymes with binlightenment).
I know, I know…it sounds like mystical bullshit. But it’s not.
It’s a very real, tangible experience that many people around the world are undergoing. And that neuroscience is beginning to corroborate.
My entire life, I was convinced that there was something wrong with me. That I was broken.
That I was unable to love.
Relationship after relationship, I struggled to reciprocate the affection of my partners.
It seemed the more they opened up to me, the more it shut me down. The more they moved towards me, the more I pulled away.
Where my heart was supposed to be, I just felt a cold numbness.
I looked around and it felt like everyone else was falling in love with ease. Opening their hearts. Living out their fairy-tale romances.
But try as I might, that realm seemed locked off to me. Nope, I was broken. Fucked up. Alone. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Until I came across the concept that changed everything.